Love, Lost and Found
by Tha-KITTEH
Summary: Just a little KiraKatou ficcy...I don't think it's that good. A little angsty. It's rated for a reason, people, so don't rant at me. Finally updated! Yes, I am in fact alive.
1. Murder is Mercy

Just a little Kira/Katou fic from Katou's POV. May be a little OOC. Probably one-shot. Rated for attempted suicide, rape, and all that luuurvely stuff -_-.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary, so don't sue me. I own nothing but this computer and-- +checks pocket+ Uhm, this Hong Kong one dollar. O.o   
  
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I awoke and blinked my eyes lazily. Blurry…everything was blurry…Wait. I remembered where I was. I tried to stand up but…fuck, that hurt. I managed to drag myself up into a sitting position, leaning against a hard brick wall. At last, I could see where I was. A dark alleyway; so dark…is it night? I don't know. I've lost all sense of time, and as it seems everything else too. I glanced at my watch. Crap…it's not working. Well, you get what you pay for, right? I sighed and stared at the ground. Then the memories came; that's the problem with my life. As soon as I start thinking anything good I might have had, any chance of happiness just disappears.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~*~*~  
  
I sat alone on my bed, crying. Sometimes I wish I had a family; not like I have now, I mean a proper family, y'know? But I know that's impossible. It'll never happen, not to me. Sometimes I feel so jealous of what others have…I'm always told to be grateful for what I have, but how can I be when I have nothing? I wrapped the blanket around myself, not that it was much comfort. It barely kept me warm, and I continued to shiver in the cold as I sobbed quietly. I heard the door open. Without turning around, I already know it's HIM. I know he's not my real father…a father wouldn't do such things to his son. I looked at him, and as soon as I did I knew I was done for...when he gets that look in his eyes I know not to resist. He walked over and I closed my eyes tightly.  
  
I panted heavily. Breathing was difficult, and it hurt like hell. HE smirked at me and pushed me roughly down onto the bed. "You'd better not try to resist me, you little whore…"He said to me. He sat on the bed beside me and swiftly pulled down my pants. I knew what was coming next. He ordered me to roll over, and I knew better than to disobey when he used that tone of voice. I rolled over and lay on my front, trying to get rid of the feeling of fear that lurked in the bottom of my stomach. After all, this wasn't exactly the first time this had happened. I closed my eyes as he thrust his erection violently inside of me, biting my lip to prevent myself from crying out. He continued to thrust hard; it hurt so much, and it didn't help that my whole body was already in terrible pain, bruised and scarred from the beating I got earlier. I couldn't cry…I couldn't let him see my weakness…no…I felt him come, and whimpered quietly. A single tear dripped gently down my cheek.  
  
~*~*~*~*END FLASHBACK*~*~*~*~  
  
I pulled my knees close against my chest and rested my chin on them. I was…crying? I…I don't know…I felt nothing, I was completely numb. I didn't even feel the pain anymore. Well, perhaps not physical pain. Emotional pain, however, was a completely different matter. I hated this. I hated how he made me feel; I hated him. I still do. As far as I'm concerned, I have no family. Families are supposed to look out for each other and care for each other, right? Not like I'm exactly the right person to ask. In that case, Kira is my only family…but I don't even have him anymore. He's always hanging around with that stupid pretty-boy. He took the only thing I had away…it's like he ripped my heart out and stamped on it. Kira…  
  
Setsuna. That stupid kid. He took away my only chance of happiness…I suppose…we're not that different really. Both of us have parents who hate us, though of course I knew since long ago that my 'father' isn't really my dad. Still, he has his sister too, as well as Kira. I don't even have Kira anymore. Hah. Everything always leads back to Kira. I love him…at least I think I do…I don't really know love. I'm so unsure…either way, Kira is all I have. He's the only one that cares about me…TRULY cares. Now he's gone, there's no point in living through this torture they call a life anymore. It's almost sad. I'm still young and yet I feel like this…I just want to just end it all.  
  
I saw a rusty knife that lay on the ground near my foot. I almost smiled. I reached over and picked up the blade. It was slightly blunt, but still quite sharp. Sharp enough. I ran the blade over my finger, pressing it down hard. It cut just fine, as the blood that dripped from my finger showed. I pressed the knife blade against my wrist, and began to cut at the skin which was already scarred from previous attempts to do this. Blood poured freely from the cuts. I smiled weakly. Yes. THIS was my only chance of happiness. I lay back down on the cold ground. 'They've probably all forgotten about me. Won't even notice I'm gone…'I murmured to myself. Not that anybody would care…as I lay there, my eyes half closed, I noticed the shadow of a figure before me. I blinked and looked at him. He was silent.   
  
I spoke just a single word. 'Kira…'  
  
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Yes, I know it's shit…-_- Feel free to review and tell me how bad it is^^ I could do with someone agreeing with me for once. If you actually want me too continue this crap, then tell me so in a review, otherwise it's just a one-shot. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this thing^^ 


	2. Found it Lost it It comes and goes

I apoligise for the delay. This is probably bad and OOC. Forgive me. I just woke up this morning and I just had to get the second chapter up. Again, many apoligies. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

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When I awoke again, it was still dark, if not moreso. Surprisingly enough, I was also in a warm, comfortable bed.   
'Huh..? If this is Hell, maybe it ain't so bad after all...' But no, I would never be this lucky. I sighed and shifted my position slightly, feeling a warm body beside me. Rolling over, I glanced into the dark eyes that had been watching over me the whole time. Well, if it wasn't the Devil Himself.  
  
"Kira..? What the fuck?" I mumbled sleepily, managing (much to my surprise) to say what I'd actually meant to. Damn, I really needed some sleep. Well...more, at any rate.

Giving no reply (but then, it would be foolish to expect one from HIM), Kira instead decided to brush a few stray strands of blond hair from my face causing me to glare at him in annoyance. He just responded with one of his trademark amused smirks, only serving to irritate me further. Bastard...but he was MY bastard, that's the way things were supposed to be. Until that little son-of-a-bitch pretty boy came along and screwed up any chance of happiness I could have had. Enough about him, though.

Kira sighed, I felt it more than heard it. His warm breath against my skin was somewhat of a comfort, if nothing more than a reassurance that he was there and alive and with ME.  
  
"Yue-Kun..." He started, but I of course didn't give him a chance to continue.  
  
"Don't call me that!" I snapped. Some people never learn, but then again Kira didn't exactly fit in that group as he normally did it just to piss me off. Kira smiled slightly, though it couldn't exactly be called the happy sort of smile.  
  
"Yue-Kun," he began again, the look he gave me telling me well enough not to interrupt again, "Why do you do this to yourself? I've told you so many times, give up the drugs, go home and be a good son. Make a good life for yourself. So why this..?" I stayed silent, and unable to meet his gaze I looked away. Kira took hold of my chin and forced me to look up at him. I soon gave up on my attempts to avoid his eye. How could he ask me that question? He was supposed to care about me, and understand. How could I be a good son when whatever I did all they would ever see me as was a failure? That's what I was after all, couldn't even kill myself properly...

Suddenly, Kira's arms were around me, and I was clinging onto him as if he would vanish if I even thought about letting go. It all happened so fast, I didn't know what was going on at first. I was...crying again? So weak and pathetic, and yet...Kira was comforting me. He made me feel strong. Happy even, if anything could make me feel happy anyway, Kira could. He was the only family I needed, didn't he realise that..?  
  
"Katou...Don't hurt yourself like this. I want you to grow up and have a good life...Whatever you say, you don't deserve this. Promise me.." The way he looked at me, I didn't want to refuse   
him...but I didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep.  
  
"I...I can't. I can't promise you that...I.." Kira looked so disappointed when I said that. That was   
what really hurt me, not when he was angry, but when looked like this...and it was my fault.   
Everything always was.   
  
"Katou...please...I want you to at least stop doing this. It worries me. I--" Was he going to say what I thought he was? It was probably just hopeful thinking, but...would he finally say those three words I longed for him to tell me for so long..?   
  
"I care about you, Katou..."

Kira didn't...he didn't say what I had wanted so badly..I was almost hurt, I'd been so hopeful that he would say those three little words, those words that would make everything better if even just for a while, that I'd pretty much convinced myself there was even a possibility that-- How foolish. I had just been setting myself up for heartbreak, but...suddenly I felt Kira's soft lips against mine, and I found myself responding to his kiss.

**Yes**...THIS was what I had wanted.

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I sure hope I did alright. --' Sorry if I disappointed my -cough- loyal fans. I know you're out there somewhere! ....In my imagination. 


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